Periods of difficulty can impact anyone in life, no matter how put-together they might seem. When the inevitable happens — your friend’s sudden loss of a parent, your cousin’s unexpected layoff — it can sometimes feel awkward or difficult to bridge the gap and figure out how to offer help. However, the people most likely to provide a helping hand are often hesitant out of a fear they might say or do the wrong thing or are perplexed by what their hurting loved one even needs, says family grief counselor Jill Cohen. “A lot of times people think, ‘Everyone is bringing dinner, so I won’t,’” she says. “The truth is, if everyone’s thinking like that, it’s quite possible that no one’s doing it.”

Receiving positive social support is crucial to the human experience. Having people to lean on — and vice versa — can increase resilience to stress and blunt the effects of trauma and depression. Don’t let a concern for bungling your words or offering a potentially tone-deaf favor prevent you from showing up for your people. Here’s some advice on how to reach out and offer assistance to a loved one going through a difficult time.

Initiate a conversation with open-ended statements

Among the most helpful ways to support someone experiencing hardship is simply being available, says Roxane Cohen Silver, a distinguished professor of psychological science, public health, and medicine at the University of California Irvine. In her work studying reactions to personal trauma, Silver and her colleagues have found making a phone call and offering to visit are the simplest and most impactful forms of service.

What to say in those initial calls or texts? Cohen suggests, “How are you feeling today?” Because the inquiry is so open-ended, your loved one can answer honestly and as in-depth as they’d like. Questions that are too direct like, “Did you have a good day?” can seem cliché. “We don’t expect when someone is in crisis that they’re going to have a good day,” Cohen says.